Satisfied

I know it has been a while since my last post.  Truth is, I haven't had much time.  Paw Paw Gladden went to be with the Lord and then life in general happened.  This past Sunday was father's day.  It is quietly becoming my favorite holiday.  When I was about 13, I dreamed of being a good husband and a good father.  I know that sounds rather odd, but that is the truth.  
So as I went about my life, eventually I tried to be a good person.  I had a girlfriend and a job.  I was a decent person and I was satisfied.  But it all came crumbling down.  I am reminded of Mark 8:22-25

And they came to Bethsaida. And some people brought to him a blind man and begged him to touch him. And he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when he had spit on his eyes and laid his hands on him, he asked him, “Do you see anything?” And he looked up and said, “I see men, but they look like trees, walking.” Then Jesus laid his hands on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. 

Here is one of Jesus' many miracles.  I read this over many times before, but one day God revealed a subtle nuance to this scripture.  Here is the Lord of All, the one that Hebrews says that he is "the exact imprint of his (God's) nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power".  Can he not just speak and his sight not be restored?  Why can he not get it right the first time?  Is Jesus just not powerful enough to heal him the first time?  Absolutely he can!  Here is a blind man, who cannot see anything.  If you were blind, and saw nothing but darkness for years if not all of your life, and someone came along and gave you the gift of seeing light, and shapes, would you not be satisfied if not overjoyed?  But here is the awesome part.  There is a difference between what we want and what God wants for us.  We would be satisfied with what we have, or what we make of things, but the Lord wants so much more for his people.  Here he gave the blind man sight, and then perfected it.  He gives us a vision of his Glory, those who are patient and seek after the Lord with all that we have, reap so much more than we can ever hope for.  I'm not talking about material things that drive this world.  I'm talking about getting a vision of the Hope of Glory.  


I said all that to say this.  None of the things that I thought would satisfy me came to pass.  It wasn't until I devoted my life to Christ, did I ever understand the difference between being satisfied and truly happy.  The gifts he gave were abundantly more than what I could have hoped for.  I have a wonderful job, an amazing wife, fantastic little boys... 


I wanted to be a good father and husband.  I cannot be a good father, or a good husband without the love of God in me.  The only thing good in me is Christ.  The only time I ever did good, was when I could get something out of it.  As Paul says, "Wretched man that I am!".  How that rings true in the life I led, but not the life I lead.  My example is to be what a life devoted to Christ looks like.  That is a HUGE responsibility, but it only comes by dying daily to myself.  I am not the greatest at that, but I am trying.  I am trying to be transparent to my wife and to my kids.  But they all need to know that the Lord is truth, and that daddy is seeking after it.  


I'll leave you with this.  One of the most touching things I have experienced so far was teaching Sam about biblical truths.  When asked, "What did Jesus say?" Sam replies, "Come follow me".  What an amazing God we serve...