Hard Lessons

I was reminded tonight of a lesson that I learned while in college.  I quit school to focus on spending time on worldly things, and turned away from God.  After Anna and I got married, she basically gave me a check and said to finish school.  So here I was, a 28 year old going back to school.  I really wasn't prepared to hit the ground running in engineering.  I was taking a very difficult class and I was really unprepared going into the first exam.  I thought I could just wing it and make do.  I only needed a "C" to slide by.  So here comes the exam.  I thought it was written in a foreign language.  I don't remember any of this stuff... all I remember is the professor inserting his ideas and theories of the world (i.e. evolution, big-bang theory) during his tangents.  So a few days later he passes out our exams for our review.
  
Keep in mind, this is me giving God the glory for everything that has transpired in my life.  As I am looking at my paper, I see my grade.  I made a 3.  By the way, that was out of 100 points possible.  I think that was even generous.  He starts talking about the origin of a mathematical term and asks whether it always existed or whether man made it up.  The important thing is this:  the Holy Spirit was urging me the whole time to speak up for my faith.  
It was prodding me, "Say something...say something!".  
"I couldn't... I made a 3 on this test!"
"Say something."
"He already thinks I'm an idiot!  He'll call me out and embarrass me in front of everybody."  
"Say something."  
I said nothing.  
Class was dismissed and I dropped the class.  I never felt worse than that day.  I disappointed my Father, I disappointed myself.  I prayed for another opportunity to share with him again.


A couple of semesters later, I had him for a different, albeit similar class.  The opportunity arose to share my beliefs in Christ and our creator of the universe.  He didn't agree, but he still appreciated my opinion. 
That same semester, I was leading worship for the youth group at church, and the Holy Spirit was telling me not to play a song.  Worship was going well, and the spirit was moving.  I played the song anyway.  It was like the air had been sucked out of the room.  I prayed that I would never make that same mistake again.  


Tonight, I led worship at church.  We sang the first one, and the announcements were taking place, and I heard the Holy Spirit telling me not to play the second song.  We skipped the song and went on praising our Lord.  I don't know what transpired because of me skipping that song, but it is not for me to know.


I said all that to say this.  We don't always know when we are going to be asked to do something by the Holy Spirit.  But it is our job to 1) know His voice and 2) obey His commands.  We know His voice by having a fellowship with him.  Notice I did not say talking to Him.  In our society, when we talk to people, we tend to talk at them.  When we have fellowship with God, we are in dialogue with Him.  He talks, we listen... we talk and He listens.  It is not a one way conversation, although I believe we should err on the side of listening more than talking.  As for obeying His commands, for me, that was learned through my failures.  I pray for an open line of communication that I will be receptive of what God has to say to me, whether I like it or not.


Part of the reason why I am writing this is so that my sons will not have to make the same mistakes I have made.  I hope to be able to teach them these life lessons, but if I don't, I pray that this will serve as a reminder of the wonderful creator that I serve.  Even my getting a degree in Engineering speaks a testament to the hand of God.